Huffington Post articles by Ian
Do you find yourself facing the holidays fresh off a breakup? If so, the sound of sleigh bells jingling might just be causing you to break out in a cold sweat. And the smell of chestnuts roasting on an open fire might make you want to throw up a little. And even New Year’s Eve seems daunting and you will do anything to avoid that countdown to the midnight kiss you won’t be getting this year.
Let’s be honest, facing the holidays without your sweetheart is probably one of the hardest things to do. Here are 5 quick tips to get you through what may seem to be the slog of the holidays
One thing we have learned over the past two weeks, post-election, is that our country remains deeply divided. Hillary won the popular vote but Trump won the Electoral College and became the new U.S. President-Elect. Liberal and conservative posts and memes are dominating most people’s Facebook and Twitter feeds. People are freaked out, and both peaceful and sometimes violent protests have broken out in many cities including where I live in Southern California. I have never seen so many people upset over an election.
As we reel back in from Valentine's Day I have no doubt that many people that are feeling a bit let down. She didn't put on that negligee you like. He didn't buy you jewelry like in that commercial or the latest Jennifer Lopez/Aniston RomCom. Many are feeling like Cupid missed them in his romantic conquests.
I consider myself a romantic, but I'm not sure how many guys can attest to the same. I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve and do overt romantic gestures for the people I love that I think they would enjoy, but the more that I speak to men about this the less I hear that they feel the same. I love romantic gestures, but over the years have noticed that romantic gestures tend to not always be enough.
Valentine's Day is right around the corner and for those who are recently single, it means having to watch overt displays of affection at every turn, commercials of happy couples getting jewelry, social media postings of their "friend's" boyfriend or husband's outlandish displays of affection, and other constant reminders of your single life will be out in the droves this week. If you weren't ever worried about being single and "alone," chances are this week might send you into a black hole of feeling forever doomed to never find love.
Divorce is one of the hardest situations a person may go through in their lifetime. For this reason we have to make sure that we take extra care of ourselves during this difficult and time-consuming period of our lives.
Even for the person not going through a divorce this might be a hard task to accomplish, but I assure you if you do each one of these things you will feel better and have more clarity when it comes to the decisions ahead of you.
Here are the four things that I recommend my clients do weekly for a better frame of mind and spirit.
The practical application of these commandments is to post them in your home, car and office and reinforce them to yourself EVERY day. Optimal relationship behavior is often learned and many divorcées are out of the loop when it comes to new relationship behavior because we have become accustomed to the same habits of our ex. Often, the things we have become accustomed to are not healthy which is why many get divorced in the first place. These 10 commandments have helped me and the people I have consulted post-divorce. When applied to your new dating life, you will see that it can lead to a relationship that is healthy and sexually satisfying.
When I tell people that they need to seek a therapist for their relationship their eyebrow raises and a look of defensiveness or shame overcomes their facial expression. "We're totally fine, we don't need a shrink," is what I hear back or "do you really think it's that bad?"
Many people have a negative association to the word "therapist" or "counselor." They think that seeing one means something isn't right and at times that might be true, but seeing a therapist early on in a relationship or marriage can do a lot to guide it in the right direction instead of trying to save it later on.
So many of my clients ask what I think about Facebook and social media. I have to be honest, at my age I don't consider myself to be a social media guru, but I do know something about good decorum. Just because we are in a digital age doesn't mean that manners go out the door. The same etiquette that you apply to everyday life should be applied to social mediums. As a matter of fact, you might want to tread the waters even more carefully when it comes to social media and putting information and opinions on a public forum. Regardless of your "settings," things that are put onto a medium with billions of users should be looked at with caution.